where waves grow sweet

I spent an afternoon with a pregnant friend last week. She is in her first trimester, queasy and tired with far less resilience on any given day than she is used to. Our conversation reminded me of a time during my first trimester with Chase. I had prayed for this baby; practically begged God for this gift to share with my new husband, John. There was so much joy in the knowledge that this new little life was being formed and would become part of our family.

At 9 weeks along, I didn’t have outward proof of my pregnancy like a round tummy or an ultrasound picture; only the memory of a positive pregnancy test, roller coaster emotions and debilitating fatigue. Company was coming for dinner that night. It was family; nothing fancy required. But I couldn’t. Just couldn’t. So I stood in the kitchen feeling overwhelmed, tears falling down my face, and said “I changed my mind. I don’t want to be pregnant anymore.” Of course it wasn’t that I didn’t want a baby anymore. It was that the process of getting the baby felt too hard and made me want escape.

Fortunately, God saw past the hormonal cries of a pregnant woman. He didn’t remove the gift just because the process of receiving it was hard. He knew that the coming blessing would be worth the discomfort of weakness and loss of control. How right He was. Chase has brought so much joy to this home that the difficulties it took to get him here (including complications and a near-loss) seem negligible.

It is a good thing to remember since I am once again finding difficulties in the process of receiving a gift. Last year, a hunger was stoked to live a life beyond my own kingdom and comfort. I began to earnestly pray for fruitfulness in God’s kingdom; for His glory to be poured out through my life – not just for myself, but for others. He is in the process of working this out, partly through the loss of a son. It’s not the rosy “pregnancy” I would have chosen, and the weakness and loss of control I’ve experienced has sometimes overwhelmed the anticipation of the good ahead. But I am so glad that God has compassionately disregarded any pleas for rescue. He knows that if I keep surrendering to the process – His process, I will find myself holding the resulting new life with the joy and wonder of a new mom.

Maybe you are experiencing something similar. You asked God to do something in your life and have nothing to show but rough circumstances and discouragement. This is definitely not the path you would have chosen to fulfill your prayers. Maybe it seems impossible that any good can come from what you’re going through. Or maybe you know it’s possible, but it’s just too hard a road to tread so you want escape. Press into Jesus. Trust His process. And rest in the knowledge that what has been conceived in the Spirit will bring forth new life. Because this amazing Creator will use even your pain and your struggles to answer the cries of your heart. So take courage. He will finish what He has begun. And you will marvel with joy at the tender treasure you find in your heart when He does.

“Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world.” John 16:21