Posted by: karanoel | May 20, 2011

Obliterating boundaries

“I’m standing on the edge of me
I’m standing on the edge of me
I’m standing on the edge of everything I’ve never been before” -Switchfoot
 

I’m on an early morning flight to Philadelphia with a travel pillow in my lap and a rare measure of unoccupied time. Sleep may come to my bleary-eyed self after the half-caff and diet coke wear off, but I can’t pass up this chance to check in. Jeez, I’ve missed you! But where does a slacker blogger begin?

The only way I can describe what’s going on in my world is expansion. I’ve always known the boundaries of the hard and underdeveloped thing in my chest that vaguely resembles a heart. I have wanted so badly for it to flow with love and kindness, but the boundaries of my heart seemed so defined. Not like the dotted lines on a freeway where I can flip on a blinker and throw myself into a lane I deem better, or at least know that I could if I wanted to. Much more like a carpool lane sealed in by two fat yellow stripes, foreboding metal cones, and perhaps a mote of smoldering acid for good measure. So I pretty much figured that my lot in life was to drive alongside, but never truly with, others.

I prayed for it to be different. Sometimes through tears. I wanted to see beyond myself. To love. To have compassion. To give. A few years ago, I came across a verse – in Psalms I think – that said “for you will enlarge my heart.” I clung to it and prayed it would be true. God is faithful. It hasn’t looked like what I thought, because I thought it was about me and my ability to grow into something more. But it’s quite the opposite. It is about me surrendering all that I am and have, including my puny finite love and all the boundaries that surround it, in order to receive the unceasing greatness of his love.

Before he formed me, when I was just a thought in his mind, he loved me. Fervently. Relentlessly. Unconditionally. Before time began, he laid out a plan to show me this love in a painfully tangible way. He gave up what he held closest to his heart so I could be forgiven and gain an intimate understanding of what love looks like. It’s through this understanding that my stony little heart is transforming into something vibrant and living, beating with his life, flowing with his love. Not because I have the ability to expand my boundaries, but because his love obliterates boundaries and brings perfect freedom.

Psalm 119:32

“I shall run the way of your commandments, for you will enlarge my heart.” NKJ

“I will run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.” NIV

“I will pursue your commands, for you expand my understanding.” NLT


Responses

  1. I tried to “be the first to like this post,” but it rejected me. I like the post anyway.

    • Despite its apparent rejection, the post likes you too.


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