Posted by: karanoel | March 2, 2011

Walk with me

My covenant was with him, a covenant of life and peace… He walked with me in peace and uprightness… Malachi 2:5-6

An unlikely paradise

I’ve now arrived at the part of the movie when trust has been built and training is getting fun… practicing my balance in Mr. Miyagi’s boat and the ocean waves, working on my crane kick, laughing with my teacher, enjoying the support of Elisabeth Shue. A medley of 80’s music playing in the background.

I’m coming back to a place of contentment and it is delicious. My work is enjoyable again. Yes, even yesterday’s expense reports and today’s conference call on nonprofit liability insurance. Gratitude came out to play and entitlement ran into the shadows, grabbing the hand of its whiny friend, self-pity, on the way. Nothing external has changed, but I’m feeling lucky and spoiled by my very good God for this very good life. I’d just forgotten it for a moment or two.

I’m figuring out what matters the most and letting go of the rest, rather than resenting what most matters for robbing me of the things I most enjoy. Which is enabling me to enjoy the most what matters the most. Funny how that works. So I’m setting aside some things I’d really like to do, like write my blog whenever I please, to make way for some other valuable things… like sleep. There have been so many things I’ve wanted to say, but I’m realizing that not everything that flies through my head is of the greatest importance to myself or humanity. And, if it is, it will wait.

I was thinking this week of something a friend of mine said a few years back, which really impacted me. She was 38-years old, had never been married, and was dating a man named Dave. As they were moving along in their relationship and getting past the initial self-conscious and giddy stages, she said “You know, I just want to water the lawn with this guy.” I don’t know how that hits you, but I thought it was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard. It represented everything good in a relationship to me because it had nothing to do with what Dave could do for her or give to her or how he could make her feel. It was about Dave himself, and she just wanted to be with him.*

This is hitting even closer to home for me these days. Time with John has become safe and treasured. There is very little self-gratification… nothing romantic for now and nothing physical, except for some handholding and the occasional hug. But it is rich and good and real. We talk on the phone, go to church, hike with our kids. Tonight we walked around the neighborhood catching up on life and praying for our families and friends. This is my version of watering a lawn with this guy, and it is beautiful.

When I was praying with my boss a few weeks back, I felt like God kept cutting through our many words to say “walk with me.” Tonight, I pictured Him showing up for a stroll to catch up on daily life, talk about some deep things, maybe laugh a little, pray. Not because He wants something from me, but because of a heart that loves me and wants to connect. And I pictured myself so happy to walk with him to Moon Park in the rain. And maybe one more loop around the neighborhood to talk some more. Not because of the things I wanted Him to do in me or for me or through me. But because I love to be with Him and want to hear how He is and what He’s thinking about. There is absolutely romance with God, but more and more I’m learning what a pleasure it is just to walk with Him, to be with Him, and to know Him.

*Dave and Julie are now married and adapting to life with newborn twins. Maybe not quite the serenity of watering the lawn, but they are indeed doing life together… and doing it well.

Click here to hear “Walk in Your Ways” [by Todd Proctor]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: