where waves grow sweet

Since Chase, an early riser since birth, usually wakes up nearly 2 hours before he needs to leave for school, we let him have an hour of screen time before getting ready. He treasures that time before we roll out of our room, probably because it is all his, with no interruptions and no demands. This still leaves him plenty of time to eat breakfast and get ready. Well, it would be plenty of time for most people to get ready, but for Chase time just seems to slip through his hands like a pile of water.

This isn’t the worst problem ever and I honestly enjoy all the conversations he initiates in the morning when he is peppy and full of new-day energy, but his distractibility stresses me out. Not only because I want him at school on time, but because we carpool with two other families who are directly affected by his choices. I find myself keeping an eye on the clock and regularly alerting him to the diminishing minutes until his necessary departure. As you might imagine, this nagging is rather unwelcome and, in his opinion, unnecessary, so I am typically given an emphatic, “I know!!!”

Except, even though he “knows,” we sometimes find ourselves running helter skelter toward the honking car out front, with Chase grabbing shoes and socks while I shove his lunch, notebook and such into his backpack and throw it at him as he races through the front door. It’s not exactly what I’d call a peaceful start to the day. 

In a lightbulb moment last week, I remembered the importance of providing clear expectations along with a motivator so he actually wants to choose a better way. I let him know that since he is nearly 11 and old enough to watch the clock for himself, he is responsible for pacing his morning so he’s ready by the time our carpool leaves at 7:45. I will not nag or try to manage his time. If he is not ready on any given day, he will need to be completely ready the following two school days before he can enjoy his screen time, which would essentially eliminate his prized morning alone time.

I made sure he knows that this is not a punishment, but a way to shift things in a positive direction, and there’s no shame if he “fails.” There will simply be another opportunity to try again. I also let him know that I am happy to help him in any way, including helping manage his time, if he decides he needs it.

The rest of the week felt transition-y as I was trying to end my alert system and let him handle the morning, even if it meant upsetting our carpool timing and allowing Chase to feel an uncomfortable consequence. It was surprisingly difficult for me! The weekend seemed to wash things clean like a good rain and Monday morning felt delightful for reasons I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Maybe because I was just enjoying Chase and not being so controlling? I was shocked to realize that he was completely ready ahead of our carpool. When I voiced my surprise, he said, “Well what do you expect when I have that consequence hanging over my head??” And then he added, “Well played, mom. Well played.” 

The rest of the week followed suit. It was restful and joyful. While I have been tempted to point to the clock (like this morning when he’d been sitting in front of his food for a full 10 minutes without taking a single bite), I’ve held my tongue, let go and enjoyed our time together. He has been on time – or early – every single day. Who would’ve thought?!

I think as adults we too can succumb to our weaknesses, oblivious to how our choices are affecting the people around us or being okay with solutions that aren’t exactly peaceable. Maybe like Chase, “we know!!!,” but not in a way that actually translates to our actions. And yet we don’t want to be managed… and definitely not micromanaged. Maybe it means we are ready to grow into something bigger and better than the space we are currently inhabiting or choices we are making. 

I believe it is in those seasons that God, a loving parent who doesn’t have my tendency to nag or control, lets us feel the weight of our choices. Not to produce guilt or shame, but to help us want to choose what’s right so we – and the people around us – will be blessed; so there will be peace instead of tension and disorder; so we can fully enjoy this life we have. He is always there with a helping hand when it turns out we don’t know as much as we thought we did or now that we realize we want something better, we can’t seem to choose it. Because He loves us and is always working to grow us into our full potential. Those around us just might be delightfully surprised by the changes that come as a result. Maybe we will be too. Who would’ve thought?!