Posted by: karanoel | December 5, 2010

Storm outside. Peace inside.

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. Matthew 8:23-26

My life this past week felt like Knight and Day, a Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz movie I watched with friends tonight. Not in the “hey, life is suddenly stressful, but I look great, and I’m hanging out with a sexy guy” way. There was the same sort of intensity, but mine felt more like “hey, life is suddenly stressful, my face is breaking out, and I want to crawl in a hole for a year.”

There was a lot to accomplish, a lack of sleep, an emotional carnival going on inside, and an absolute desert of alone time. When I am processing things, I go inward. When I am processing things with inadequate opportunities for solitude and rest, I get abrasive and mean. Which I was, for sure.

The bottom line is that I’m being stretched beyond what is comfortable. It is good, and I know this. But I also know that I will not be able to make it through if I don’t press into God and receive his peace. Sleep is important, but there is a deeper rest that brings a surety that all is well; a confidence that God will be enough; an internal calm no matter how big the external storm.

As long as life appears manageable, the sun bright and waves small, I develop some illusion that I can handle it. When the waves get bigger and the wind starts blowing, it becomes apparent that I’m in this tiny little boat in a wide open sea and I am in no place to navigate my way alone. I feel like the disciples, well-seasoned fisherman who panicked in the storm and cried out for help. Yet on this same boat, Jesus slept. Storm outside. Peace inside.

Staying in this state of anxiety will bring torment, and seeking escape will bring another sort of the same. The only true rescue will come as I bow low before God, acknowledge my need and his ability to meet it, receive his comfort and empowerment, grab hold of his peace, and walk in it. I’ll let you know how that goes.


Responses

  1. I read this amazing excerpt today from a book I will have to tell you about later. Imagine a brick wall built of all our anxiety, fear, shame, anger and rebellion. Each brick represents something that ultimately we have placed to keep us from receiving love and peace. Now walk up to this wall with God. Tell him what each brick represents, don’t hedge, God already knows what your bricks are made of, but He wants you to say it. Now watch as you hand him the brick, and it crumbles before your eyes. When each brick comes down, we can better receive the love and peace he would have for us. That peaceful boat thing isn’t easy for anyone. And I can certainly relate to all of this post. I’m trying to get up the courage to just walk up to the wall with God. I’ll let you know how that goes 🙂

    • Ah, yes. So much content for discussion there. It is amazing what will crumble into tiny pieces when it is held up to his presence. These seemingly solid, immovable pieces of prohibitive junk that keep us from freedom just can’t stand up to his truth. More on that in our next conversation. Thanks for the input!


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