where waves grow sweet

“Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” John 7:37-38

There are a lot of things swirling around in my mind but they’re being elusive little buggers. So I will start by saying that I moved the little white Ikea computer desk back into my room and I am, at this very moment, sitting in front of it typing. I can’t say why, but it’s exciting. Maybe because my back doesn’t get all achy from half-sitting, half-lying on the bed. Maybe because I’m less tempted to put on an old movie in the background. Maybe because it feels indulgent with candles (burning precariously close to my probably-flammable laptop) providing movement and atmosphere, and Pandora doling out significance through classical piano tunes. But I think it is mostly because it feels less haphazard and more intentional.

Oh, there it is. The direction I needed. That is exactly what I feel like is going on my life right now. A move toward intentionality. I haven’t been what you would call deliberate. I love those people; they are superheroes in my mind. But I have not been one of them. If my life were a dot-to-dot, it might look more like the chaotic image of an airline route map than the distinct picture of an airplane flying through fluffy clouds… or whatever it was intended it to be. But what I’m realizing with great excitement and anticipation is that my creator made me for a reason, for a distinct purpose, for his picture to emerge as the dots are getting connected. And that my job is to be deliberate about the things that he’s calling me to do right here and now, not what I think I should be doing or what other people are doing.

You know, I can trace back a lot of this process back to when my boss decided to do a “life assessment.” He was trying to sort through the wheat and chaff in his life and thought it would be helpful to lay everything out and rate it. This isn’t normally my sort of thing but, with some encouragement, I did one too. It was amazing to see how little time I was spending on things I find fulfilling. If you read my post a couple days ago, you know I love to walk. Well, I had pretty much stopped walking until I rated it a 10 on this assessment thing. I figured if it could rate that high on my happiness scale, I should really make some time for it. And I have. There were other things too, like writing and playing piano. Oh well for now on the piano, but hey look at me – I’m writing. And so my life of intentionality began.

As I continue this process – which really comes down to following his lead, dot by dot, step by step – I’m grasping the goodness, joy, ease, and inherent order in doing things his way. I feel like my toes are touching this strong and beautiful and scary current that is right in the middle of God’s spirit and heart and life. I can taste the freedom and adventure. Anticipating the emergence of the full picture, I am moving forward with a newfound discipline and intentionality, and trusting that he doesn’t put crap pictures in the activity book.