But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
If I had to pick an archenemy, I imagine I’d quickly spout “satan and his evil entourage!” – that awful clan of darkness that suffocates the truth of God in the hearts of His children and buries them alive in bondage. But as riled up as I can get about satan and his bedfellows and however much I’d like to hate them most, what I really hate is weakness.
Weakness in me, that is. It’s such a fine and beautiful thing for someone else. It looks so earthy and true, even sweet, from the outside. It’s when it’s inside – trespassing the reasonable boundaries of my person – that it loses its poetry. It then feels ugly and intrusive. Like something that should be quickly eradicated by large and violent weapons. It inspires in my depths the fervent opposition I’d like to have for other things more worthy of my passions.
Beyond the great expanse of anger and a determined will, I always seem to find fear. A terrified and trembling panic at being uncovered, made vulnerable, seen for who I really am. In weakness, the things I’d like to believe about myself seem to slip away and leave me with the unedited version of myself. But it wouldn’t matter if I were to believe what I know. That my value is not in strength or independence. Not in beauty or ability. Not in goodness or rightness. So what if my unedited self is often tired, ugly, useless, and mean? But, oh, it has mattered so much. Which is why weakness matters more. Without it, I might actually believe that I had a gram of strength in my natural self or some shred of ability to save myself. I would never reach the end of my flimsy resources and find myself in the infinite resources of an eternal God. I would never step out of lifeless beliefs and into the warm, breathing vibrance of Christ living in me.
where waves grow sweet 
I like it, Kari!!
By: Autumn Hargrove on October 15, 2010
at 8:52 pm
Thanks Autumn! Miss ya.
By: karanoel on October 16, 2010
at 2:59 am
Kara, a question for you. You say that you’re not qualified to govern Karaland and the District of Cole (brilliant, by the way), but can you define what that means? Hasn’t God given us duties and responsibilities towards governing our own lives? I’m curious how you define government in this case.
By: ken buhler on October 16, 2010
at 6:29 am
Ken, That is a great point and I would love to clarify what I meant. In Isaiah it says “the government will be on his shoulders… Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.” When Jesus came, the Jews thought this he would bring a new government of an external sort. But Jesus showed a different kind of government, established in heaven and not on earth – one that governs hearts, thoughts, and actions, established by the Word and Spirit of God. Jesus said he only did what the father was doing, showing that even the savior of the world yielded to this authority. In this all his responsibilities were covered – like “giving to Caesar what is Ceasar’s.”
What I was trying to communicate is my temptation to blow off what God has called me to do, through the Word and His Spirit (like Jesus), and do things my own way. Maybe it’s like a governor disregarding state and federal laws in order to do things that he wants to do or that make more sense to him. Not only will his state and the people in it run into trouble, but it will cause conflict with higher authority, and other states operating under the same authority. With a heavenly authority, the obvious difference would be that it is perfect and good, without flaw, greed, or corruption.
All that to say, I totally agree that we have a great responsibility in the running of our lives, but the way we do this and the decisions we make need to be based on
this heavenly government, not ours. We are accountable to God, not ourselves. And it’s then that a Godly order and good fruit is revealed in our lives.
Does that make any sense?
By: karanoel on October 16, 2010
at 5:48 pm
p.s. This is the only post that isn’t current. It was actually written a couple years ago. I hesitated posting it because I think I would say these things very differently at this point. Oh well 🙂
By: karanoel on October 17, 2010
at 12:05 am
Cool, thanks for adding that. I think my question pertains more to the details, the specifics, of what it means to do things “my own way” instead of under His governship. We’re given both a lot of instruction on how to live and freedom on how to live, and my question is regarding what does one versus the other look like (for you). In other words, what does it look like when Kara takes the wrong reins (His reigns) in her hands? What are some examples?
I ask for specifics because I’m struggling to learn what belongs to him and what belongs to me, and I’m curious what the struggle looks like for you…
If you ever get around to updating this post I’d love to read it also. I’m curious as to what’s changed in you since a few years back! 🙂
By: ken buhler on October 19, 2010
at 6:11 am
I knew my last reply was a whole not of words without much of an answer! This is a really good question that should be easy for me to answer since it’s very real and personal to me, but I actually have to think on it. I’ll get back to you…
By: karanoel on October 20, 2010
at 3:54 am