Posted by: Kara Luker | October 1, 2011

A crash course in peace

I am a bad driver. I realized this recently while telling a coworker about the clusters of accidents I get into when there is too much going on in my world. Nothing horrific, really… just the kissing of curbs, signs, or the fender of someone else’s car. The motorcyclist I backed into didn’t even fall over. The last person I rear-ended didn’t even get my number. Minor stuff, you know?

While I haven’t technically harmed anyone, I’ve begun to worry about the potential. So, when researching driving schools for Cole, I considered signing myself up. In the midst of this process, God shot a question at me: “Is it a matter or skill or choice?” Hmmmm. An intriguing question… and one I didn’t need to ponder long.

While it might be easier to blame these happenings on some deterioration of my driving skills (assuming I had any in the first place), they are far more likely connected to my habits. Really, really bad ones. Like driving with my knee while eating breakfast, managing email or texts on the road, or finding the right playlist on my iphone while zooming down the freeway at 70 – okay, 80 – miles per hour. Yes, I represent everything you hate in a driver. I hang my head in shame.

But the question of choice pressed into something true and I wanted what it offered. The following day, I ate breakfast before leaving for work. I put my phone in my purse on the backseat where I couldn’t reach it. I dropped Cole off at school and merged onto the first of three freeways that take me to my Irvine workplace, sitting in perfect silence with my hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road. Not only did I notice the placement of each car on the road, but the quality of light in the sky as it filtered through the morning clouds. There was nothing rushed within me which was proven by the unusually low number on my speedometer. The experience felt almost holy. I arrived at work with an uncommon stillness.

I have spent a few days now driving well and find that it is becoming one of my favorite elements of the day. It is as if something comes together in that very present space that is missing elsewhere. I have begun to wonder how many times in a day or week I bump into people, causing damage – minor or otherwise, in the midst of the chaos that is sometimes my existence. And I wonder how many good and holy moments I miss out on in the process. It could be that there really are too many things going on in my life to do it well. Or it could be a matter of choice. I’ll work it out and let you know.

Posted by: Kara Luker | September 29, 2011

The best $22 I ever spent

No, it wasn’t for the pair of jeans I bought at Target last week, although they are also worthy of a post. It was for a set of teachings by Graham Cooke called The Art of Thinking Brilliantly that confirmed my suspicions that God really does work all things together for good. I can’t encourage you enough to buy these (mp3s, CDs, or DVDs) and listen to them on your way to Target to buy the comfiest jeans you ever owned: http://www.brilliantbookhouse.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=the+art+of+thinking+brilliantly#

Posted by: Kara Luker | September 26, 2011

Are we sparkling yet?

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.  Philippians 2:14-16

I’ve spent many a joyful hour collecting articles of clothing, chips for Cole’s lunches, and even the brilliant bristly things I now use to floss my teeth. There are few items I need or want that can’t be found within the aisles I know so well. I even find myself talking to cashiers and fitting room attendants as though they were close friends. Yes, I am a Target junkie.

But something bothered me recently while shopping at the happiest place on earth. A few young employees in red shirts, khakis, and very official nametags, who were dutifully returning clothes to their racks, openly whined about how long they had been working that day and how glad they’d be when their shift was over. I wanted to cover my ears and sing loudly so as not to hear such sacrilege, but was rendered helpless due to several reasonably priced blouses in my hands.

While I realize that working at Target is probably not as pleasurable as shopping there, it seemed a serious lack of self-discipline and perhaps of gratitude on the part of these girls. Or maybe it was just the absence of good training. Regardless, I saw something so clearly through my smug judgment of a couple teenagers earning minimum wage… my own guilt.

My guilt goes far beyond the good jobs I’ve grumbled about. It goes beyond the people I’ve spoken against, or the frustration I’ve voiced over seasons of life that have dragged on for waaaay too long. It certainly includes all of that, but extends itself into a big, endless black hole of unbelief. Oh my, I can feel the suction as I write… shaping little pieces of my mind into justification of discontentment, pursing my lips into negative words, warping my emotions into grotesque shapes. Heeeelp me!

It is so easy to go there. Sometimes life is hard. Bad things happen. People are hateful. The irritations of existence assault like a swarm of mosquitoes, leaving itchy welts of anger or self-pity. Maybe you shattered yet another pan lid while trying to clean up the kitchen. Oh, was that just me?

The antidote to the hardships of this world is about as counterintuitive as it gets. Rejoice. In all things. For all people. For every situation. Yes, for every shattered lid, every red light, every hurt feeling, every frustration, every desperate circumstance. Why? Because it is the ultimate act of trust and one of the only responses for which the enemy has no recourse. A perfect covering of peace comes through praise, as does a burdenless intimacy with the Lord and an uncanny ability to see through his eyes, so we are victorious no matter what is heaped on.

The trouble is that we are so easily derailed from trust because our responses are dependent on what we see, think, or feel. But if we trust – through faith in his word and character – that God is working all things together for our good, things don’t have to look or feel right. The world can be haywire, things going distinctly in the wrong direction, and evil seeming to be getting the upper hand, but we can stand in praise. Not because we can foresee good conclusions, but because we believe that God does and that he is making a perfect way to accomplish the very best for us… and probably for a whole lot of others as we are overheard speaking words of thankfulness and hope. Yep, we will surely provide light for others to see as we sparkle brilliantly against the night sky.

Posted by: Kara Luker | September 20, 2011

Welcome to the island

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

This very long post is for you, Ken. Hope it was worth the wait.

There were motorcycles everywhere, zipping down the streets; dodging vehicles, potholes, and animals with daring precision. Most riders shocked or delighted. A mom with a toddler between her legs.  A boy with a long leash and a horse running behind. A woman in an ivory suit riding sidesaddle behind a male driver. Three teenage boys lined up like the Three Amigos. Two uniformed officers, one behind another on the seat of a single motorbike. I tried to picture Ponch and John patrolling the California highways in such an intimate space.

I’d never been to the Dominican Republic before, but it reminded me of other places I’ve been… and loved. Hot, humid, earthy, green. The people lacked a certain pretense I find in my daily life in Orange County. They were laid back, warm, and colorful like the turquoise paint on their houses. Many kids I encountered were hardly clothed and obviously poor, but radiant. One girl – my favorite – whose name sounded like Lady, finally gave up trying to converse with me and engaged me in a creative version of rock, paper, scissors. We clapped our hands together, threw down our choice, and pinched each other’s cheeks. I wanted to take her with me and love her forever.

We took a redeye to get there; it was still Wednesday when we left. I was torn between jealousy and encouragement as the people around me dropped off to sleep. It was tempting to lie down in the aisle, wrap up my body in the blue airplane blanket, and lull myself to sleep with the bible app on my iphone. I eventually drifted off into a light slumber, nearly upright in my economy seat, just in time for the layover – in Newark, I think.

My boss and I stumbled off the plane, as did the Orange County donors and their kids who were accompanying us. The sun was coming up and shining through the airport windows. It felt hopeful. I decided to throw off my self-pity over the lack of sleep and thank God for his ability to give me rest or strength, whichever he decided. We ate a greasy breakfast and boarded the next plane where I collapsed onto my tray, and spent the whole flight in deep sleep. I woke up in time to let the poor trapped woman next to me use the restroom, and to take in the green trees and blue sea lining the runway. It was good to be there on the last of my trips this eventful year.

The airport was small and wonderful. The photos and text on the walls enchanted me more than most art in museums. A Dominican girl from the plane, who had asked for help with her suitcase, offered to take my picture in front of a wall I was admiring. It said: “Welcome to this island, where the sea is always near, and the mountains are never far…” I felt welcomed.

Our group eventually found each other and saw the sign for HOPE International, which Obed was holding. I met him in May at our work retreat and liked him a lot. He was raised in Rhode Island by Haitian parents, just married a gorgeous woman from the Dominican Republic, and has eyelashes that seem unfair on a man. He took us to a large passenger van, which held the folks who had already arrived from Texas and South Carolina. We drank cold water, chatted happily, and took in the blurred landscape.

A man walking down the street carried something that looked like a refrigerator on his head. Another was walking behind a few emaciated animals – cows, I think. I had never seen skinny cows before. Not in my country, anyway. But here they littered the countryside; not one looking like it would provide rich milk or a tasty meal. Kids stood or played in front of houses or buildings, each dressed in one article of clothing or maybe two. Whether their attire was due to a lack of resources or the persistent heat, I don’t know.

We pulled up in front of a bright green building that said, “Pica Pollo el Sazon de Mama.” Two small children stood in front, one with a piece of chicken gripped in his chubby hand. The yellow walls inside the polished restaurant displayed Spanish Bible verses and the price of chicken meals. Tiled floor and fans cooled guests; heat lamps kept mounds of meat warm. We gathered around plates of fried chicken, plantains, and a tasty root vegetable that was eaten with pickled onions. The owner, a microfinance client of the organization I work for, told the difficult story of her life, but glowed as she talked about her loans. She had done well. Her business was thriving, her family fed, her heart full.

We finally made our way to the retreat center in San Pedro de Macoris for dinner, which we no longer needed after Mama had stuffed us full of chicken. After time in conversation and prayer, the Pennsylvania contingent walked through the doorway, travel-weary after cancelled flights and pleas with ticket agents, but joyful to be there. We applauded their arrival.

A handful of us wandered a couple blocks to the beach. It was dark. There were few streetlights and no signs to alert us to potential hazards, like gaping holes in the sidewalk that would have eaten us whole. As we got to the boardwalk, I couldn’t help but smile. Music blared through the speakers of the restaurants, bars, and liquor kiosks. Sometimes the music overlapped, like the way some cultures talk over each other. People were outside sitting, drinking, cooling off after a hot day. Most didn’t take much notice of us as we walked by in the sea air. A few smiled and offered a greeting. I felt at home somehow.

With an early morning waiting, we meandered back to our clean, humble rooms, where my roommate and I flopped onto our beds. Aislinn has the southern accent and charm of her small Mississippi hometown paired with the spunk and smarts of a city girl. She also happens to be the wonderful intern I worked with all summer, albeit from opposite coasts. I felt lucky to have this time with her before she left us (sigh) and headed back to college. Wrapped up in the darkness of our foreign room, we indulged in girl talk until our eyelids sank and our words dropped off.

My sleep there was sweet. I wanted to savor it. In the morning, long after Aislinn was showered and ready, I was still grumbling at my alarm to stop waking me up. But opening my eyes – at last – was worth it. The sun came in gently through the soft, colorful curtains on the window. The hum of the air conditioning soothed my mind. I felt rested and so happy to be in this country.

Conversation came easily over breakfast in the dining room. The coffee was strong and the food filling. We stepped out into the morning warmth and piled into the van, which immediately cranked out a cold stream of air. We had a mobile devotion, learned more about the country and the clients we would meet, and enjoyed our newfound community of 19. We were friends now, and laughter filled each space we inhabited.

As we drove along, I silently questioned how people weren’t constantly getting hurt on the unruly roads. Before we had even reached the first bank meeting, we received word that a client’s niece had crashed on a motorcycle when a child had wandered into the street; both were injured. The very same day that we were asked to pray for another person – a loan officer, I think – who had been hurt in a motorcycle accident. Then Amber, our bright young interpreter, shared about a horrific accident two years prior when broke her spine and almost died. Silent question answered.

The neighborhood of our first stop was obviously poor, but beautiful in its own way. Dirt roads were surrounded by perfectly unkempt palms and other lush plants. A child bathed outside in a plastic container. A rooster wander around some tall grass. Well-worn laundry hung from lines in front of broken down houses. An abandoned basketball hoop stood before a fence. A man rode a bicycle down the street.

Our group conspicuously tumbled out of the van and lined the edges of a bank meeting made up of about a dozen clients. The covered dirt patio provided shade from the increasing warmth of the sun. I stood beneath it and watched. I felt rude to be there with my camera and questions, but they didn’t seem to mind. The clients we serve don’t have physical collateral, so they give what they have – social collateral; each one vouching to make up for any lack in the group. The result is a repayment rate that any US bank would covet. But, honestly, those aren’t the kinds of details that interest me. It is how people need each other; how community is formed; how undeniable strength is forged out weakness. All these things that matter to me were so present in that place.

The next bank meeting was nearby, this one smaller and made up only of women. They met inside a small house with bars on the windows. It was a lively group. The loan officer prayed and led the clients in a Christian version of the hokey pokey that spanked any version I’d ever sung. The meeting continued but I have no idea what took place. I was too enraptured by the kids who lived in the pink house next door; the one without windows that looked like a forgotten playhouse. Oh, how I wanted to speak their language. We smiled, sat next to each other, and at last played a few games. They won my heart without more than two words in common and yet left me with a vague sort of ache.

Obed had reserved lunch for us at a beautiful restaurant with an intricately thatched roof. It reminded me of a beachside restaurant in Costa Rica where you might drink a margarita and watch the waves. We were revived with the fans above, some sweet nectar to drink, and a delicious plate of food that I gobbled greedily. A group of loan officers joined us, some of whom we’d shared the morning with. I had heard and read about these people, and even prayed for them. It never sounded like an easy job… tirelessly tromping out to poor rural areas to hold bank meetings, collect loan payments, train clients, and show each one of them the kindness of a loving God. But I wasn’t prepared for their joyful devotion. It humbled me deeply.

Our next stop had fewer trees and no shade to speak of. The heat was nearly unbearable. Egad. I just wanted to get back in the van and let our angelic driver, Max, hand me an ice-cold water bottle. This was when it struck me that there is nothing romantic about building a business here. The opportunity is an unmistakably good thing, but it is work. Hard, hot, long work.

We visited a handful of businesses on the dusty street, each of which was attached to the home of its owner. One sold random items like snacks, drinks, and shoes that were strung from the ceiling. One sold used clothing. One sold eggs and cleaning products. It was Anadelia, the owner of this last store, who delighted us by taking us into her home to show the purses she knit from strips of garbage bags. They were beautiful. She proudly demonstrated the art and mentioned that she had taught her neighbors so they could have a livelihood. Say what? I felt protective of her own livelihood and was offended by the way she gave it away freely. But these people who know need seem to give generously. They adopt orphans, support pastors, feed the hungry. I am so far from an understanding of this. My heart can’t begin to touch it. Maybe someday.

Our last stop this very long, intriguing day was at a cool, castle-like church. Walking through those doors was a respite from the oppressive air and the churning of my mind. The ceilings were sky-high and the space wide open, giving room for the soul to breathe. The soft breeze through the arched windows tickled my skin. Everything seemed right with the world inside those concrete walls. As church leaders filtered in, I knew we were welcomed, appreciated, loved. It was uncanny that in such a short time with significant language barriers our two groups could meld so seamlessly and encourage each other so heartily. It was a quenching drop of heaven.

The trip continued through the following morning. We talked, shared, laughed, and prayed. We debriefed over iced cream and slept. We ate breakfast and left for the airport. There was such a sweet flavor in my mouth over the goodness of God that I hardly noticed the 20 hours it took to get to my doorstep in Costa Mesa. The trip changed me. I still don’t know exactly the extent, but I imagined each of our lives being woven together like the strips in one of Anadelia’s purses. Maintaining our own identities, yet becoming one. Friendships being woven into communities, communities being woven together with other communities, the body of Christ uniting across the whole world like one big net that no one can fall through – not one widow, orphan, addict; not the lonely, hurting, or poor. Because that is the width and breadth and strength of love.

http://www.hopeinternational.org.

Posted by: Kara Luker | September 9, 2011

A time to dye

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4

One fine day in elementary school, each kid in my class was given a small red tablet to chew. Being a sugar fiend, I was anticipating candy. Alas, no. While not revolting, it was also not a sweet cherry-flavored treat. Regardless, we finished nibbling our pellets and made the very entertaining discovery that our third grade teeth were coated with something that looked like red paint.

I can’t guarantee that I brushed my teeth that morning, but it is likely that toothpaste had touched them at some point in the preceding 24 hours. To my 8-year old mind, they looked and felt clean. Yet here I was with a bunch of other giggling kids showing off, as the teacher explained, all the plaque in my mouth that had been exposed by the red dye. Definitely one of the more memorable days I had at Marine View Elementary.

I’m sure the teacher followed up with a lesson on the way that plaque destroys our teeth, causes major problems, and makes for really crappy dentist appointments. It is also likely that we were shown some sort of proper hygiene that would help us avoid these issues. Although my current state of excellent oral hygiene probably has more to do with the really crappy dentist appointments than the enlightenment I received that day.

I often consider the hard stuff in life some kind of plaque that needs to be eradicated, but it is really only the dye God uses to expose what will end up causing me pain. His intent is never to throw me into discouragement or frustration, but to propel me directly into freedom by cleaning up the unbelief in my heart. No matter what circumstances I encounter, I will be able to respond with hope and will trust in the Lord’s ability to sustain me or comfort me or heal me. It is a joyful thing, almost as much as hearing the hygienist say, “Guess what? I’m not even going to pull out my torturously pointed scraping tool today!”

Posted by: Kara Luker | September 7, 2011

Giving thanks no matter what

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I have been planning a wedding – my wedding, in fact. It’s not the sort of thing that suits my strengths or interests and, in all honesty, I prefer the idea of something simple and private. But my heart is for community and feels so joyful to include the people who have shared this long, sometimes difficult road, revealed the grace of God to me, and helped me get to this place. I also happen to have an amazing friend named Sheree who loves me and, despite my complete inability to comprehend, thoroughly enjoys event planning.

Everything was moving forward nicely, thanks to John, Sheree, and an entourage of fun family and friends. I had a groom, bridesmaids, dress, venue, and even some $7 backup bridesmaid dresses from Target in case my shopping trips continued to reveal only stiff, shiny dresses like the one I wore to my prom in the 80’s.

When the restrictions and costs associated with the venue became prohibitive, I got briefly discouraged before deciding it was a perfect opportunity to “rejoice in all things.” Because God is bigger than anything life can throw at me and will use every situation to achieve the good things he wants for me. I had a minor breakthrough that very evening and became excited again for our very special day in December.

What I didn’t realize was the building sense of expectation. Whittling things down to accommodate new, potentially smaller venues provoked unpleasant conversations, like the deep hurts and offenses that followed my first, very small wedding nearly 20 years ago. And an anticipation of who would be hurt this time. The terrible, awful truth is that I can’t invite everyone I love and appreciate or please everyone with my choices. The impending failure felt like a crushing weight on my insides.

An old, familiar rebellion rose up in me. I wanted to throw off everything anyone expected of me, including this wedding. To give John my heart without the fanfare, without the expectations. I whimpered out a feeble “thank you” to the Lord through my anger for this circumstance, and attempted to wrestle down my will so I could hear his voice.

It wasn’t until I was walking around my neighborhood late last night that I realized how personally I had taken the comments; how responsible I felt for the breaches in friendship and offenses taken; how scared I was of causing more. I walked, cried, and talked to John about a private ceremony. He comforted me and said we would talk and pray it through. I went to bed with a soft heart.

There was a sweet reconciliation this morning, but the tears continued. I whispered another “thank you” to the Lord and headed off to my day. The level of emotion seemed excessive and I finally asked God what it was all about. Understanding came. This weekend was a perfect picture of the rebellion I displayed so vehemently as a teenager. I hated myself for it, thinking I was a wretched person – a bad girl, a black sheep – hell-bent on destruction. I don’t mean to excuse the behavior or blame anyone but the truth is that I was hurting, crushed by the weight of expectations I didn’t think I could meet.

Through this understanding and his pervasive presence, the Lord touched my heart, unearthed something more true of myself than my behavior, showed me he loved me no less during those awful years – or on days like yesterday, and spoke healing into me. It was not remotely what I was expecting to get out of frustrated wedding plans and weak rejoicing, but that is just how big, how strong, how loving, and how faithful he is. To take whatever we’ve got and make it into something beautiful. Not only do I get to step into marriage with a lightened load and better understanding of God’s love for me, but with a greater trust in his ability to bring good out of every circumstance and an increased vision to see past actions and into the hearts of his people. Go God!

Posted by: Kara Luker | August 25, 2011

A happy corner

X marks the spot

Ah, the neighborhood kids. They used to gather on the corner across the street from our house, all shapes and sizes, sitting on the sidewalk in front of the cranky couple’s house, talking and laughing ‘til the sky was black. Sometimes they would wander around the neighborhood, hang out at one of the kids’ houses, or maybe walk to Moon Park.  But mostly they sat on the corner being kids.

This went on for several happy years, right where Indiana Ave. meets Illinois. And then something began to shift. Cole said things were different. Dylan started working out with his older brothers. Katie started high school and was buried in homework and dating. Corbin’s stepdad died of a drug overdose and he moved away. The group of kids shrunk and shrunk until the corner was empty. I felt sad like the Giving Tree when her favorite boy grew up and moved on. A year or two passed.

When I came home last night, there they were, sitting on the corner being kids. Katherine jumped up and wrapped her arms around me. Corbin, who had recently moved back to the neighborhood, towered over me with his 6’2” frame and melted me with his warm smile. Chicky was lying on her stomach chatting sociably with Alexa and Riley, next to the street sign that marks their old haunt. They energetically filled me in on their sports injuries, the schools they are going to, the way they hardly recognized Cole when they saw him. I listened happily, filling myself full.

It wasn’t the whole crew, but I know that community draws others to itself, so I’m pretty sure there will be more kids there tonight. If not, I’ll just be grateful for the joyful remembrance I got last night. And for the young neighborhood kids who are now taking up community the way they learned it… on the corner of Indiana and Illinois.

Posted by: Kara Luker | August 8, 2011

Silver kisses

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2

All the deep and meaningful things lined up on my post-it to share seem, frankly, too deep and meaningful today. The vast quantities of energy typically reserved for internal processing are tied up in a vaguely giddy emotional state and the very simple thought, “I’m going to be married.” I communicated this thought to John several times at dinner. Apparently he is aware of the fact. After all, he did propose in dripping cave yesterday. I, on the other hand, can’t seem to grasp it as reality. I’ve been a single mom for 15 years, haven’t had a boyfriend in 11, and have a distinct habit of steering clear of these situations. But here I am, by the grace of God and the love of a great guy. Did I mention that I’m going to be married?

Tonight we visited every jewelry shop in South Coast Plaza as I earnestly tried to convince myself that I could wear some bejeweled object on my finger. I have returned to my original knowledge that I don’t like diamonds, and will really be okay if I don’t see another one for a very long time. I like bands. Unremarkable ones, beautiful in their simplicity. I also like mismatched ones that stack up on top of each other, slightly askew, like free spirits dancing on my finger. At the end of the day, I decided that I will get a band. Unless, that is, I find a magical combination of stackable rings that makes me smile inside and feel like I do when doused with kisses as sweet and sudden as summer rain.

Posted by: Kara Luker | August 8, 2011

Happily ever after

Princess Fiona: “But I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.” Shrek: “But you are beautiful.”

If I had to pick my top five favorite movies, Shrek would definitely make the list. It’s clever, the humor hits my sweet spot, and I all-out love Donkey. But the depth of my appreciation comes from Princess Fiona. I couldn’t help but relate to her plight, wanting the ugliness that comes at night to be consumed by beauty, and considering that change the precursor to being loved and accepted.

Like Fiona, I hid my weakness, not wanting to be exposed. The Lord has been so gracious over the years to uncover me by his purity and cover me with his grace; to accept me based on his great love for me, not on my ability to be who I want to be. He taught me to be uncovered with his people; to do the grit of life under the umbrella of Love.

Then I met John. In theory, I was totally ready to step into a relationship. In reality, I was terrified and desperately wanted to find a safe, familiar place to hide. But God gave me peace – date by date, fear by fear – and I found joy with this wonderful man who loved me no matter what. Our hearts have grown together and toward our very good God as we’ve walked this journey together under his big umbrella.

Today, John took me on a hike to a favorite spot. In dripping cave, I sat on a rock with this man I love kneeling before me. There were rose petals scattered around and champagne waiting, but I was lost in the intimate faithfulness of the God who led me through so much to get me here, to this place where I could whole-heartedly accept the beautiful proposal of marriage John held out before me. To comprehend, like Fiona, that I’m loved as I am. And to know that because of an unchangeable Love of immense purity, I can love in return…. all the days of my life.

For those of you who missed the posts that led up to this point, I’m going to create a special category on the blog. It’s a great story! 

Posted by: Kara Luker | August 2, 2011

To see or not to see

When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is joyful. Proverbs 29:18 NLT

I don’t have stellar eyesight, but didn’t realize it until a few years back when a coworker pointed out that my face was close enough to my computer to kiss it… and I was still squinting. My handy Costco optometrist discovered the problem: astigmatism, which means that my eyeballs are football shaped instead of volleyball shaped. In practical terms, it means that everything is slightly distorted or kind of soft and fuzzy. Not the sort of issue that interferes much with life, and actually lends a nice impressionistic look to things. There are times, however, when it proves to be quite ineffectual. Say, for instance, when I’m on the freeway trying to make out the words that would tell me where to get off.

When I got my glasses, the soft glow of life found definition. As it turns out, I don’t look nearly as young as I thought. No wonder I don’t get carded anymore. And things I thought were clean, like bookshelves or the corners of my room, apparently were not. So I restricted the wearing of my glasses to special occasions. Like at work while trying not to romance my computer. Or on the freeway while trying to avoid another accidental crossing of the Mexican border. But on other occasions, like looking in the mirror or taking in my surroundings, I pretended that reality is what I perceived through imperfect vision. It seemed to spare my vanity unnecessary grief.

Lame, I know. But I don’t think I’m totally unique here. We tend to like the edges of our lives softened. We feel better about ourselves that way. The world likes us better that way. It’s not that we don’t want truth. We do, but the purity of the Word can bring some shocking definition to our thoughts and desires. It’s not always such a pretty image. So we seek it out only in small measure. Or in certain circumstances, like when we’re in crisis mode on the freeway, and not in others, like when we’re standing in front of the mirror.

I now wear contacts, which is a good thing because it’s inconvenient to take them out every time I want to avoid something unpleasant. I’m able to see things I couldn’t see before and make some good changes. Like choosing to accept who I am and what I look like. Or clean things that are dirty. I was particularly glad this morning when I looked in the mirror and was able to quickly identify and remove the cheese on my eyebrow before heading into work. I’m also happy to report that I’m learning to enjoy the vision the Word is bringing, as it helps me to accept some things, clean up others, and most definitely get me where I need to go.

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