where waves grow sweet

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8

A peaceful pup

Cole always wanted a dog, but it never seemed possible in any of our living spaces so we had fish, mice, turtles, a hermit crab named Pinchy, and one exhausting night with a chinchilla. His desire was finally fulfilled when we moved in with John and Madison and became the proud co-owners of Alice, a sweet and highly energetic mix of border collie, terrier, and something speckled like a dalmatian. Maybe not not the german shepherd Cole would have chosen, but her charm won him over quickly. I was already smitten.

Everything was going pretty well for a while there. I took Alice on five mile walks most days, brought her on nearly ever errand I ran, and lavished her with attention. Then John and the kids would get home and the love would flow anew. It was a happy life for this people-loving puppy, and not too bad for us humans either. Then I got pregnant. My energy dwindled to the size of a pea and my patience quickly followed. The long walks became history and, after some exasperating outings, it just didn’t seem desirable to bring her everywhere I went. She still got attention from the rest of the family, but her behavior had changed and she just wasn’t as likeable anymore. The jumping and whining got worse. The clinginess was unbearable. Everywhere we turned, there she was… waiting and wanting and needing.

As the frustration mounted, I debated the benefits of having this dog for whom I’d once felt such fondness. But as the fog of pregnancy began to clear, I realized that my emotional reactions and resentment toward her were only making things worse… for the both of us. My own darn fault, of course. So I headed to the library for a book by Cesar Millan, aka the Dog Whisperer. This was only two days ago and I haven’t even finished reading the book but I can say that Alice and I have had a couple of delightful days together. I have also found some insight into managing the other attention hound: my soul.

You see, our souls can be pretty wonderful things, just like my sweet puppy or a chubby toddler. But, undirected and unchecked, they can turn into something akin to a whiny, needy animal or that monstrous child throwing a fit at the grocery store. Our souls, which are comprised of our will, emotions, and intellect, were never intended to run the show. They were meant to submit to a pack leader, in this case the Spirit of God living inside us, and be led into a more excellent way.

Based on my new dog-training expertise, I know that Alice and my soul both need three things: Exercise, Discipline, and Affection, in that order.

Now when I say exercise, I don’t want you to think of 45 tedious minutes of running on the treadmill because you know it’s good for you and you know you should. I want you to picture Alice, my wiry dog with the big black spot on her side, running down the concrete slope of the river bed to sprint through knee-deep water, chase the ducks lounging in the sun, and spring back up the slope to catch my eye and dash down again. Passersby make comments like, “What a great dog!,” “She looks so happy!,” and “Makes me want to run through the water!” I have to admit it is a joy to watch her, almost breathtaking, as I take in the speed of her muscular body releasing all that glorious energy. It is what she was made for. No wonder she’d been miserable all cooped up in the house with me and my frustration.

I really believe that exercise for our souls looks like that. It is an expenditure of energy on the good things we were created for. There are so many more yes’s than no’s in the kingdom of God, and we were meant to release ourselves and our energies through them. Think of Adam and Eve with the whole garden of Eden before them – every space, every plant, every animal, and perfect communion – all but one tree. In Isaiah it says, “Listen carefully to me and eat what is good, and let your soul delight itself in abundance.” What kind of food is good to your soul? What satisfies and fulfills it? It will different for everyone. And so very far from that which simply entertains or occupies your soul, but leaves it hungry. If you don’t know what fills you up, ask the Lord. He will show you. It doesn’t have to look all holy; I mean, hiking hits a reset button in my soul like nothing else can. If you know what is good but can’t seem to do it, ask and He’ll help you. I knew that writing would satisfy and delight my soul, but it took months of asking God for help before I finally started this blog. How worthwhile it’s been to ditch empty snacks to feast on this activity I love so much. So lesson number one is… chase the ducks, baby!

Exercise comes first because it is much easier to work with a soul (or animal) that has spent its energies and has little left to fight or resist. But exercise doesn’t do much to inform or develop character. This is where discipline comes in – an unpleasant word I know, conjuring up something harsh or closely tied to punishment – so let’s go with Webster’s definition: “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.” Yes, training. That’s all it is. It is not emotional. It is not shame-based or punitive. It is consistent. It corrects, molds, and perfects.

Like my experience with Alice, I think many of us tend to focus on our behavior, grow quickly frustrated, and start to react emotionally. We beat ourselves up and punish ourselves for our bad behavior, or find a way to blame someone else. But, as I can testify, it accomplishes nothing apart from worsening the situation. The right way is really quite simple, although not necessarily easy. Every time our soul wants to go a way that would not benefit it, we need to correct it with, as Cesar would say, “calm assertiveness.” We don’t need to flip out, flog ourselves, or plunge into despair. We just need to make consistent corrections, making sure our mind, will, and emotions know that they are not the boss; that they are under the authority of the Spirit and that it’s non-negotiable. Once they learn they are not going to get their way, they will submit and will enter into a place of peace. Not an overnight kind of thing, but once we realize our authority in the Spirit, I think we will be surprised how quickly we can see change.

This change, of course, is based on an understanding of what is right. There is no better discipline than absorbing the word of God… learning it, thinking on it, and letting our lives wrap around it. Not only does it communicate what to aim for and what to avoid, but it empowers us to do what it calls us to… “For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life.” (Proverbs 6:23) Talking to the Lord and listening to his responses go hand-in-hand with learning his word. He is faithful to show us where we are missing the mark, faithful to show us how to step out of our sin, and faithful to love us through the process. So lesson number two is… submit to the pack leader and find peace!

According to the Dog Whisperer himself, the last need is for affection. He emphasizes how many dog owners (and, I would add, soul owners), particularly in the U.S., put this need first and create a very unstable situation for their pets. I think of how many of us coddle our souls and give them what feels good to us but does not benefit them – kind of like giving a dog the people food he loves so much, which delights us to do but will destroy the dog. Yet, when everything else is in its proper order, affection is a necessary component. The way I interpret this is cultivating kindness toward ourselves; allowing the great love and forgiveness of God to override the severe way we tend see our shortcomings. Unfortunately, Christians are notorious for condemning ourselves and others. Jesus says that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, which is kind of tricky when we are so quick to disqualify ourselves from love. The great thing about dogs is that they don’t refuse affection based on the bad things they did yesterday or even five minutes ago; they respond to the here and now. So lesson three is…. lap up the affection!

As we are released into the joy, self-discipline, and love we were created for, I truly believe our lives will draw the attention of others and evoke comments like “Hey, I want to do that too!” Because, really, who wouldn’t?

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates… Deuteronomy 20:18-20

I can’t recall the specific context, but I remember hearing a story on NPR several years back in which a woman was describing her efforts to learn Italian. Though she was doing the hard work of studying vocabulary, sentence structure, and pronunciation, it continued to seem foreign to her mind and mouth. The frustration mounted, as did the doubt that she – an adult learning another language for the first time – would be capable of achieving this lifelong goal. Yet, with a trip to Italy approaching, she persisted in her studies.

I remember vividly the elation I felt when she explained that one day it finally “clicked” for her. It wasn’t because she had full faith in her ability or because she had conquered every doubt. It was because she had the desire and just enough belief to keep plugging away despite outward evidence that it just wasn’t working and maybe never would.

While praying with a friend recently, this story came to the forefront of my mind. I felt the Lord saying that my friend and I – and all who persist in learning His truth – will have breakthrough and find freedom. Not because of perfect faith or victory over every single doubt, but simply because there is a desire to know Him and just enough belief to keep pressing into truth despite outward evidence that it isn’t working. If we continue to put his word before us, listen to his voice, and seek his heart, things will eventually click. Understanding will come and this language of Love will no longer sound or feel so darn foreign.

It will be like many I know who have moved here from other countries. The initial mental work of translating each phrase and missing the meaning of much will be transformed into a process so natural that it becomes our default language; the one of thought, not just of word. What will take effort is our old language, which will have been replaced… not just by a new accent or vocabulary, but by a whole new understanding. This is freedom.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

Today started out pretty normal. I hit the snooze button a few times before dragging my body out of bed (I’m not exactly what you would call an early bird), made breakfast for the family and lunches for the kids, and hopped in my little green Camry with the dog to take Cole to school. It was a beautiful morning, cool and moist with a promise of warmth, like the beginning of summer.

We moved midyear so Cole’s school is half hour – and three freeways – away. It is very active driving. I spend most of my time crossing several lanes in stop-and-go traffic to get to the carpool lane and then several lanes to get back over so I can merge onto another freeway… and then back again. Such is life in this gorgeous place so many call home.

While I love driving, it has been problematic for me. I totaled a car within a week of getting my license and another shortly thereafter. For the past few decades, the damage has been far less though certainly not absent. But I have learned to drive with caution. I refuse to answer my phone in the car, resist other distractions, and trail cars at a great distance. I try really, really hard.

Yet, still, there I was this morning slamming on the breaks as I heard the familiar sounds of metal on metal, and felt the abrupt stop I know so well. It had been a moment of distraction; a glance toward the dog in the backseat. My fault… again. It is hard to describe the discouragement I felt as I saw my crumpled hood and imagined the damage I would find when the other two cars involved made their way to the side of the road. I was plagued by the thought of saddling John with another expense, concern over my pregnancy (surprise!), and the persistent question of “what is wrong with me??”

Cole, who is fine apart from a stiff neck, took photos of the damage and gathered loose pieces of our car while I swapped information with the other drivers. We got back into the altered Camry, not so light-hearted as before, and got Cole to school only slightly late.

John graciously responded to the news, but I felt awful. I hung up the phone and cried. But I have become increasingly aware of the way my emotions have been dominating my outlook. I’m not saying emotions are bad but they were never meant to rule us. I mean, how much is self-pity or guilt or sorrow going to benefit me or John or my car? I can answer definitively: not one little smidgen. The only thing it will do is keep me from seeing the situation the way God does. He always has hope. And he always brings about good. Even from the worst situations. And even from those of our own doing. He is just that big. And he is just that loving.

So I’m going to thank him for the things that look good, like the fact that no one was hurt, and for things that don’t look so good, like the banged up car in my driveway or the anticipation of my insurance bill. I’m going to enjoy this day because God made it and it is beautiful. I’m going to smile and be joyful because God is faithful and will meet my every need, and because it is my choice.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9

Last week, I invited my second-cousin-once-removed (and dear friend), Ben, over to teach me how to make his killer stir fry recipe. From the start, I sensed something different about his cooking style. It was calm and methodical, clearly lacking my rapid fire approach that regularly incorporates broken glass, smoke, and indiscernible work spaces. He laid out each ingredient and cooking utensil before chopping even one vegetable, creating a beautiful sense of peace and order. What really caught my attention was the way he cooked the chicken. Slowly. So very slowly. He used the “power burner” I love so much, but he didn’t bring the rings of fire to their full potential as I delight to do. He left them low, letting the oil and heat draw the flavor and fragrance from the garlic for what seemed an eternity. He pushed it around gently, making sure that nothing burned. Eventually he added the chicken and the process continued, with purpose but without intensity. The chicken was remarkably moist and delicious, and a perfect compliment to the rest of the dish, which he cooked with the same precision and patience.

I learned something that night, and it went way beyond one meal. It was about the use of good technique to bring about the best. Like my cooking, I tend to rush things in life. I like to see change come swiftly – in myself and others. I like to see God use his power burners and get things done. The quicker, the better. There are clearly times when he chooses that approach (when you’ll hear me begging him to turn down the heat), but mostly I find that he sets the flame low and sits patiently with me, allowing the heat to draw out the most fragrant and flavorful things he’s placed in my heart, making sure no part of me gets torched. It takes time, but he is in no hurry. He knows what he’s creating, knows how best to do it, and knows the end result will be well worth the wait.

And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate. Luke 15:23-34

Dog meets turtle

Madison, our twelve year old daughter, finished her dinner ahead of the rest of us and asked to be excused. Not a minute later we heard a scream from the family room, followed by a loud declaration that something was moving. Cole, our strapping sixteen year old, jumped up from the table to rescue his sister. From our seats in the dining room, John and I overheard Cole’s playful comment that turning on the light would help and then his laughter as he announced that the “moving” object was a sock.

I was getting ready to (lovingly) tease Madison for fearing a fuzzy sock, sort of like we tease our dog for her terror over a fork on the ground, when Cole shouted, “Oh my gosh, it’s Schtocky!!” This is about the time I flew into the family room, closely followed by John, and found our four year old tortoise stumbling out from under the sofa. This is the very same tortoise that had been missing for a month, presumably having escaped through the open gate in the yard, while in reality spending several weeks snuggly hibernating under the Ikea sectional in our favorite room of the house.

Schtocky is not quite as adventurous as his sibling, Klein, a notorious escape artist with wanted posters all over town, but he has still gone missing rather frequently. When I first owned these lovable nomadic creatures, their disappearances broke my heart. I would search high and low, post missing flyers by the dozens, and check with every neighbor in the vicinity. They always seemed to find their way back – usually discovered by a dog in a neighbor’s yard or by one of us in some obscure corner of our own. One time, Klein had been found by a construction worker down the street, living for a while in a another city with a different family and a new name (Franklin). Even then, she returned to the deluxe yard that we called home on her behalf. So I stopped worrying and let things work themselves out.

Klein has – once again – been missing for months. I picture her traveling the world and living it up. When she has had her fill, she’ll probably find her way home and I’ll write a kid’s book about it. In the meantime, we are very happy for the return of our once-lost pet, Schtocky. We didn’t kill a fatted calf, but we did gorge ourselves on homemade red velvet cupcakes as Schtocky sunk back into slumber in his cozy little house outside.

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

I’m very grateful to my sister who alerted me to the new season of Downton Abbey, a brilliantly written and acted soap opera – period piece, I mean – which was left unresolved at the end of the initial mini-series last year. I’ve now made it through the first two-hour installment of the new season and eagerly anticipate watching the following installments, collecting by the week on my DVR.

We are already familiar with the characters of the Crawley estate, from the aristocrats to the servants, and are now witnessing the changing dynamics of the household as England enters World War I. I was quite taken with a conversation between Ana, a sympathetic housemaid, and Mrs. Patmore, the estate’s cook who has just received word that a loved one is missing in action and presumed dead.

The master of the estate is well-connected and able to find the necessary details for the anguished cook. Both women are aware of this fact. But Ana knows the character of her master; that he is willing – not just able – to act on his servant’s behalf. With no other possible avenue of resolve, Mrs. Patmore begrudgingly agrees to request help from her master and is rewarded by a personal experience of his generosity in agreeing to seek out the desired information, his faithfulness in following through, and his kindness through the care with which he communicates his findings. The lowly cook is bestowed with dignity by the gentle humility of the highest in the house.

Strong and powerful people are rarely seen as approachable. There is often good cause for this; we see it acted out daily in society. How quickly, then, if we see God as strong and powerful, we may conclude that he won’t have the time to listen or the care to bother with our troubles. But if we, like Ana, know the character of our master or, like Mrs. Patmore, have the courage to test it, our God will demonstrate his willingness to extend himself on our behalf every single time. It is not a patronizing response, but one of true compassion birthed of a humble love for his people. How much our confidence in approaching him will grow as we ask for help and find it in greater measure than we ever could have imagined. And how lovely it is as we become servants who know our master and confidently nudge others toward the broad shoulders that so lovingly carry our burdens.

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. Psalm 62:11-12

Hey, my blog is named after a line from one of the chronicles. What do you expect?

For anyone who hasn’t yet had the pleasure of reading the Chronicles of Narnia, a brief overview…

Four kids – Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy Pevensie – were transported through a magic wardrobe to another world where they took their rightful place as kings and queens of Narnia. Years passed as they gained knowledge and stature, learning to rule the kingdom well under the ultimate authority of the great lion, Aslan. They became warriors, each skilled with a weapon and brave in battle, and diplomats, wise in their relations with other kingdoms. Basically, they grew up in Narnia. Not only that, but they became something beyond what they were in their own world.

But their time in Narnia was temporary and Aslan always called them back to England, the place of their childhood, outside the reach of the kingdom where their royal identities had been established. Here, they were just kids with big imaginations and no evidence of where – or who – they had been. What’s worse, whenever they returned, they found that no time had passed. It was the same minute of the same day they had departed, each situation they left awaited them, and not a single soul noticed their absence.

Although there was nothing external to prove it, they were different. What each child had become in Narnia remained inside of them, at least in seed form. While their royal identity in Narnia didn’t transfer to England, it informed who they were, how they saw life, and what they anticipated. Each time they went to Narnia, a knowledge of their true identity was further established, as was their trust in Aslan and a quickening of their hearts toward the adventure he called them to.

We are living in a very similar parallel… in this world, but not of it. Our identities have been established as kids of the King whom, like Aslan, is not bound to one world or another but moves about freely. Through the Spirit, the King’s version of magic, we are called to see a new world and experience heaven while still existing here. It is there, in that Kingdom, that we see who we truly are and we are changed by it. But, like the Pevensies, we need to work out the truth of that identity in the reality of a world that can’t see it.

Our job is not to go around proclaiming our royal status, wearing crowns and tunics, or even trying to convince people that it’s for real. That will be perceived as craziness at best and arrogance at worst. Our job is to let our lives here be informed by the life and identity that we experience in that other world. To let our thoughts, words, actions, and even countenance reflect it. To essentially be who we are and, in so doing, to extend a glimpse of that glorious Kingdom to others who may be thirsting for it.

If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about–but not before God. What does the Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. Romans 4:2-5

Just before church last week, John was writing a note to a friend. When he pulled a $50 bill out of his wallet to include in the card, I playfully extended my hand to receive it. He looked up, his sea blue eyes catching mine, and gently said “it’s all yours.” The response caught me off guard. Even though I was with him at the bank when he added me to his account, contributed my signature where required, and received a debit card to access the money, the implications that all John’s resources are now mine hadn’t registered. In truth, having left my job and recently run out of my “own” money, his resources are all I now have. It is a fact I feel squirmish about. I want to contribute more than a signature that enables me to use his money. I want to put my own resources in the account and feel deserving of using that bank card. But John sees it differently. In marrying me, he gave up the lines that would divide “mine” and “yours.” He graciously agreed to carry the weight of financial provision. It is a tangible demonstration of his love; a love that goes far beyond money.

I’m sure John thought no more of his simple statement, but it penetrated my heart through the church service. And I still haven’t quite been able to shake it. Not just because of a giving husband, but because it’s a picture of what my Father has given to a far greater extent. I’m equally as – or possibly more – squirmish about receiving His generosity without being able to deposit into the account. I want to earn access, or at least some measure of it; to become deserving of the vast resources at hand. But if it wasn’t God’s way for Abraham, it probably won’t be His way for me. He gave freely and asks me, through faith, to receive freely.

I wasn’t there when Jesus gave his life and opened the account. I had no part of the great deposit made. I can add nothing to it. But when I committed my life to him and become one with him, the lines that divided “mine” and “yours” were completely, totally, eternally erased. All that belongs to the Father, Son, and Spirit is now mine. I get to draw upon every promise made in the Bible. Not in small amounts to avoid making dents to the balance, but in the huge sweeping confidence of one who knows that not only is there no end to His resources, but that each one is multiplied as I use it through faith.*

*John, please note that I do realize the difference between bank accounts in the heavenly places and those at Bank of America. 

A few years back, I dreamed I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom with blue yarn strewn across the carpet before me. Some of it was still wound nicely in a ball, but the majority was so hopelessly twisted around itself that it seemed an impossibility to untangle. I was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task, but knew it was right and necessary to try. As my thoughts wandered toward the easier approach of tossing the whole wad and getting a new one, Jesus came into the room and sat down facing me, the spaghetti-like pile between us. He didn’t seem particularly all-powerful or all-knowing, but warm and friendly – welcome company, for sure.

The mood in the room began to lighten as we chatted, caught up, laughed at times. There wasn’t really anything significant about the conversation. I can’t recall a single word of it. At one point, I looked down and found that our hands had been busy. Little by little, we had been removing knots, unraveling webs, and doing the impossible. The work wasn’t finished; we’d only just begun. But a mark had been made on me about how a relational God often accomplishes mighty things. Not by lightning bolts and magic spells that zap our troubles into extinction or by giving us brand new unblemished situations, but by being with us in the midst of our troubles. Through this – or, rather, through Him – we find grace to lift our eyes off of our daunting messes and enjoy the friendship of our creator as he makes a way with us and for us. What a beautiful thing to see what will be knit with the strands he so caringly restores!

A passage really resonated with me from Prayer A Holy Occupation by Oswald Chambers…

“The meaning of intercession is that we see what God is doing, consequently there is an intimacy between the child and the Father which is never impertinent. We must pour into the bosom of God the cares which give us pain and anxiety in over that He may solve for us, and before us, the difficulties which we cannot solve. We injure our spiritual life when we dump the whole thing down before God and say – You do it. That spirit is blind to the real union with God. We must dump ourselves down in the midst of our problems and watch God solve them for us. ‘But I have no faith’ – bring your problems to God and stay with Him while He solves them, then God Himself and the solution of your problems will be forever your own. If we could see the floor of God’s immediate presence, we would find it strewn with the ‘toys’ of God’s children who have said – This is broken, I can’t play with it anymore, please give me another present. Only one in a thousand sits down in the midst of it all and says – I will watch my Father mend this.”