Posted by: karanoel | November 7, 2019

A thief called distraction

iphoneI have been in a wildly distracted place. My phone has been in hand first thing in the morning as though an inbox of immaterial emails can’t wait until my heart has had a chance to orient itself to a new day and the One who created it, and then dozens of times throughout the day as thoughts fly immediately from my mind to my iphone’s keyboard. Some of the things I consider most important have taken a backseat to what will gratify in the moment, not unlike a cheap sugar fix that will leave me unsatisfied and craving more. It’s not that I haven’t been accomplishing good things too. I have. But sometimes good things can be accomplished out of order or serve as a distraction themselves, leaving a lack of internal rest and a mind that can’t be still.

For someone who thrives on a quietness of soul, it is interesting to realize that it hasn’t just escaped me; I have actually been avoiding it. Not consciously, really. But out of self-protection. “Being still and knowing” allows us to connect to our hearts and to God’s; to touch life, like live cables to a battery. With it comes truth, conviction and emotions. Sometimes there are things we don’t want to see, to acknowledge, to feel. Which is why we – or at least I – choose at times to distract ourselves with the dead things of this world that might bring no value but at least pose no real threat.

My attempts to settle down and refocus were fruitless, so I did the best thing I know to do: Throw the weight of it on God and tell Him He was going to have to do it because I couldn’t. This is how, through no effort of my own, Monday found me passing up the extra dose of caffeine I’ve been using to fuel my frenetic energy and being willing to enter into the quietness. It is no surprise that I spent two days crying. Not desperate sobbing, but hours of tears in a tender connectedness to my heart and God’s. It was good to be connected again, especially because I spent so many years completely shut down, but it was uncomfortable too, as the pain medication of distraction wore off and feeling came back. There was the ache of a deeper level of releasing Cole, the pain of a horrific loss our friends recently experienced, the raw vulnerability of trust. I don’t even know what else was released in that river of tears. Sometimes we don’t have to.

The third day brought a remarkable sense of peace. It’s like a rain had come, watering the ground and washing away the clutter. My body felt calm and my mind was still. On my walk, I didn’t want music or a podcast; just the silence of peace and the air around it. I wasn’t focused on what I wanted or needed to do, but on the warm light hitting each golden leaf as it surrendered itself to the sky and the truth that God was walking with me as He did with Adam and Eve in the garden in the cool of the day. 

I still feel tender and I still feel quiet. Not completely without distraction, but with a heart that wants to remain connected, no matter how uncomfortable it may be or how much it hurts. Because in being undone, I am being made. Into someone who is real and true and very much alive. As the Skin Horse in The Velveteen Rabbit says, “When you are real, you don’t mind being hurt.” And when we bring that hurt into the presence of the Lord, it can’t help but be transformed into something beautiful and healing, cleansing the pathways of our hearts like the ground after a rain.

After the storm

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10


Responses

  1. Dear Kara, beautifully said. It reminds me of being in the Lord’s arms; you know how John holds you and you can hear his heartbeat, and feel so secure, that’s how I believe our Lord holds us. We are, after all, His beloved daughters. Love you!

    • So true! What a wonderful image to picture. Thanks Maria. Love you too!

  2. Loved this.

    • Thank you Dory!

  3. really liked this

    >

    • Thanks Paul!

  4. Good to have the update, dear fellow traveler. Prayers for the journey.

    • Thanks for checking in, Mitch! I’ll take any and all prayers for the journey 🙂

  5. ❤️❤️❤️

  6. Kara, Will you please, please, please put all these beautiful messages in a book. I cannot keep storing them all in my phone! 😁 Your anointed gift of writing must be shared! 🙏🏻
    1Cor 12:4-11
    Love you!
    Joni

    • Haha! You are so good to me, Joni! I’m planning on starting a book soon, but it sure does sound easier to bind a collection of what I’ve already written 😄


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