where waves grow sweet

To piggyback on my last post about failed expectations opening a door to a bigger purpose, I’d like to share a story from a week or two ago. My heart was still achy from facing this brand new year (and future years) without Cole. Because God has dropped so many game-changing words of comfort into my heart these past months, I came to Him one day expecting more of the same… a beautiful, empowered nugget that would calm the grief and let me get on with this new normal.

I knew the Lord was near and could feel His love, but no immediate word fell into my lap. No blanket of comfort to wrap up in. Instead, with my need uncovered and unsatisfied, a deep hunger and thirst arose – for more of Him, His truth, an understanding of what He wants to do in this place. A desire to seek Him until I was filled.

It was actually an answer to prayer; it just happened to be a different one. Rather than my prayer for comfort, it was one for direction – which of two places to commit my time. It became suddenly clear to my thirsty heart: The place I knew I’d get fresh water to drink.

The need to be filled also led me to the Bible for nourishment. Not just for a few snacks, but several hearty meals worth. My screwed up sleep schedule, with a few pre-4:00 a.m. wake ups, served me the necessary time on a platter. As for church that Sunday, it wasn’t even a question if I would go. I hungered for it.

Little did I know that I would be surrounded by situations (beyond my own) that needed prayer and support; that the time spent getting nourished on truth would be more valuable than a word of comfort that day. But God knew. With great kindness, He prepared me. It’s like I was inviting Him into my cocoon to be cozy with me, but He was drawing me out of it to explore new territory with Him, using the wings that have been forming in the quiet places.

Somewhere in this process, my grief fell away again. I can’t say exactly when, which is different than most of the comfort I’ve received thus far. But isn’t that just like the Jesus of the Bible? He always met the needs of the people, whether it was food for the hungry, freedom for the bound or healing for the sick, but He rarely did it the same way twice. Probably because He doesn’t want us to rely on the thing He gives or the way He gives it, but on Him alone.

I am getting satisfied in His presence and wouldn’t trade it for anything. My heart is expanding beyond this little kingdom of self-focus…. Another answer to a prayer that I have been praying for years. Thank you, Lord, for who you are and the way you work. You never cease to amaze me.