where waves grow sweet

Many years ago while praying, a picture appeared in my mind’s eye. A flying island, perhaps similar to that in Gulliver’s travels, appeared in front of my home. It was clearly operated by the Holy Spirit and He was inviting me to come along. Where He was going, I didn’t know, but I wanted to join Him wherever it was. When I raised my arms to be lifted up to the island, I realized that my legs were rooted deeply in the ground, like that of an established tree. It was an impossibility to go.

What I understood from the picture was that even though I really did want to follow the Lord wherever He led, I wasn’t free to go because I was still very much rooted in the world and its mindsets. There are probably many applications for this that I’ve yet to see but I can’t help but think that self-focus is a biggy. While not necessarily evil, it has kept me from going where the Holy Spirit leads for many reasons… expectations of what my life will look like, control of how things will play out and a need to fully understand before moving forward. Of course there is the very self-centered fear of what people will think of me. If I’m focused on my own hopes and fears, I might miss the greater things He wants to do, or if I’m focused on my own ability, I’ll never be able to step into the unlimited ability of God.

Clearly not an overnight process, so I tucked it away and kept trucking. Apparently, bit by bit, the roots are getting loosened because this past year my wants started to shift. My journal entry from October says, “Instead of wanting to have Him breathe life on the things in my heart or give me purpose, I just want to go where He is going and be where He is.” It was one of the most liberating and exciting thoughts I’ve ever had.

I hadn’t realized how self-focused even my faith had been. My tenacity to hold onto certain things I believed God had spoken seemed holy and right… until I realized that they had become more fixation than faith. Not that God can’t still accomplish those things if He desires, but I just got plain tired of missing out on the Life that is going on now – and every day in His Kingdom – for the sake of my expectations (and my fears).

My journal entry wrapped up with, “Of course, it is one thing to see it and announce it – and another to be transformed into it.” That’s as true a truth as any I’ve known. But transformation must be happening on some level because my whole perspective is shifting as my roots gets transplanted from the kingdom of self to the Kingdom of God. I’m feeling fulfilled like I’ve never been before, and expectant – not for a particular thing, really, but for wherever He is going to take me. I cannot wait until the day when I lift my arms and He pulls me with ease to join Him on the adventures of a lifetime.

I remember being incredibly impacted by the last couple chapters of the book, Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus. I highly recommend it.