where waves grow sweet

As a single mom with Cola Pop

After a short-lived marriage at 19, I was single for a very long time – 15 years to be exact. Raising the son who came out of that marriage while trying to grow up myself took a good deal of effort and since men weren’t exactly knocking down my door, I only went on a handful of dates during those years. That’s not to say that I didn’t spend 15 years longing for someone to share my life with and fervently wondering if a soulmate were even possible for me. But what looked like a very worrisome romantic drought turned out to be a profoundly important break as I learned how to relate to myself and God and the people around me, an utterly necessary foundation for the future marriage that would indeed materialize.

I met John just as I was turning 36. My initial caution gave way to giddiness and a desire to be with this guy all the time. The closer we became, the closer we wanted to be. Not just emotionally, but physically. We felt like middle-aged teenagers with raging hormones and an urgency to get it on. But since God’s heart for us was to first build a spiritual and relational foundation, upon which the physical side could be securely built, we agreed to wait. It was not an easy task, but we managed to make it to that coveted wedding night where we ventured into a whole new area of God-ordained freedom. Let me just say that it’s been a really fun six years!

Sorry if that’s more information about me than you wanted to know :). But as Solomon says, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecc 3:1) During both of these times, I had a tendency to fixate on what the season wasn’t about, rather than what it was. Not too long ago, it struck me that if I’d had any idea how fulfilling my physical relationship with John would be on this side of marriage, I wouldn’t have struggled with such impatience while dating. Rather than focusing on that one piece we didn’t have (yet) and grinding it out, I could have embraced more fully the time of building our friendship and getting to know each other, while still joyfully anticipating what was to come. It was the same with my life as a single person. I could have engaged more wholeheartedly if I didn’t feel like life were on hold until a husband appeared… kind of like standing by the window waiting for summer to come when I could have been laughing and playing in the snow with the rest of the kids.

It is so easy to get ahead of ourselves and become overly focused on a goal or desire – or maybe even a promise from God – that hasn’t yet been fulfilled. From marriage or a baby or a house or a job to healing from sickness or freedom from our struggles or answers to our questions, we are all waiting for something. What I am learning to do rather than just try to demonstrate patience and restraint is to seek out what this particular time is about… and then to fully inhabit that space, trusting that He is working to prepare me for the next season with its gifts – and challenges. As wonderful a gift as marriage has been for me, it has also stretched me in ways I honestly don’t think I could have handled if I’d jumped ahead of His timing. If we allow the Lord to accomplish each purpose for each season, we can trust that we will be fully prepared for all that is to come.

Ultimately, this whole life is preparation for our final destination in heaven. Looking back, I’m pretty sure we will realize how much, despite our circumstances, we could have joyfully, restfully, recklessly embraced our brief season of life here in hopeful anticipation of the all-encompassing fulfillment we will experience there.