Posted by: karanoel | March 19, 2011

A dirty word called entitlement

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Galatians 5:4-5

The problem with writing is that the ideas and words multiply, like a couple of rabbits, as they consummate in a post. For every thought that makes its way to the blog, there are suddenly four more waiting in line. So, once again, I find myself with many things to say and a desire to say them all. But if I did, I would probably find at least a dozen more fuzzy little babies in the cage waiting for their turn. Dang rabbits… I mean, ideas.

 

The Egyptians (& FDA) got it right

Okay, picture the food pyramid. I know there are many who disagree with these guidelines, but I think we can agree on one thing. If we flipped it over, things would go terribly wrong. Our bodies weren’t made to exist on sweets and lard. That tiny little triangle on the top just can’t hold up all those weightier blocks of more nutritional food groupings. Maybe it could work if you spun the inverted pyramid like a top, although I’m thinking that the reality of physics would probably prove this wrong.

 

As you may have guessed, this is not about food but about life. Just like my imbalanced like of sweets, I have an overdeveloped affinity for the little triangle of the easier, more pleasurable parts of life. Entitlement might be a better word. [Way too funny/ironic – I just got bugged when Word didn’t autocorrect my horrific misspelling of entitlement.] It has become clear that I would like to flip the priorities of life on their head to suit my taste buds rather than taking in what will give strength and health, providing a strong foundation for play and pleasure.

Earlier this week, Cole interrupted a post I was writing – on the ultimate good God brings out of hard circumstances – to announce a gpa that sounded like a verbal typo, as well as to share a significant struggle. Even in the moment, I believed what I was writing to be true, but the situation still required (and continues to require) walking out some tough stuff.

 

A look in the mirror

One of Cole’s favorite movies as a little boy was Peter Pan. It is a fun movie and I usually love whimsical things, but I hated this whiny boy who refused to grow up. He reminded me too much of certain people I knew… and resented. When someone refuses to grow up, their responsibilities are thrust on the people around them and it’s just plain selfish. Boo on them. But then this week I realized that I am a 37 year-old version of this rotten kid in the pointy green hat (which, I think we can agree, was intended to reference the tiny triangle on the food pyramid). While not a happy revelation, it was a good one. I was able to see that in order to grow Cole up, it would require me growing up.

 

It was like a light was turned on in a dark room to reveal a mess we couldn’t otherwise see. I suddenly had vision for necessary changes in structure, organization, and relationship in our household so it can become – and remain – ordered. This is not really a change in priorities, but an acknowledgement of the existing priorities. You know, the ones I’d been ignoring while I was busy playing in neverland.

This has all been somewhat exhausting emotionally and physically, but it’s also been pretty wonderful. I’ve seen God draw the good out of something that looked like a nosedive into the dirt. Do you know all this whining I’ve been doing about how there’s too much to do and not enough time? All that boils down to is entitlement to all the things I want in my world in the time and measure I want them.

As I’ve been making Cole a priority in this very present situation, I’m recognizing how upside down my pyramid has been. Things of little nutritional value have been my main staples and things of great importance have been used sparingly. No wonder I’ve had to keep life spinning to achieve a sense of balance. But I’ve known all along that it’s been wobbly and ready to topple at any moment.

Now, I don’t want to disregard everything I’ve said as emotional drivel. I know God is doing some good and deep things in my heart and I’m looking forward to the way that will translate in my life, but for now I’m just glad to follow the spirit of God into the adult world. Want to join me for a coming out party?


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