where waves grow sweet

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

About a year and a half ago, I was laid off from my job at a high school and it was more emotional than I anticipated. I could see nothing on the horizon, and I was feeling lost. For most people, that would translate to reassessing career paths, revving up for a job search, or maybe going back to school. My thoughts skipped across these things, but couldn’t get enthused about another variation of the same old theme. I was ready for something totally different. I tried with all my might to talk Cole into an international adventure, but he didn’t bite. So I decided on marriage.

Never mind the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend, avoided dating like the plague, and couldn’t even think of a guy I’d like to spend an evening with, let alone a lifetime. Yep, I definitely hit some snags. Turns out it’s difficult to make a soul mate materialize out of thin air. So I was stuck with a kind of bizarre manifestation of this unfulfilled desire, and I started getting really cranky.

All this happened before I was going to meet with some friends for a Bible study. I didn’t share about this matter that was pressing on my heart, but one of my friends got a mental picture during our prayer time. In the picture, I was wearing a heavy wool coat in the middle of summer. It was a great coat and toasty warm, but obviously being worn in the wrong season resulting in an itchy, uncomfortable, irritated me. Which was an exact expression of what I was experiencing on the inside. I was trying to force a season into existence that hadn’t yet arrived (and probaly wasn’t going to come for a while).

With immense gratitude for the understanding, I handed the wool coat back to the Lord and began to enjoy the literal and figurative warmth of summer. My irritability evaporated and playfulness returned. As it turned out, it wasn’t marriage but security I was craving… a sense of safety, protection, and value during a time when everything felt so ungrounded. And maybe some romance to make life feel optimistic again. Fortunately, I have a God who loves and romances me like that, and who helped me to recognize that I was right where I was supposed to be… and that he will give me everything I need in just the right season.