Posted by: karanoel | October 10, 2010

A change of heart

After a lifetime of rebellion and willfulness, I’m finding a safety and joy in what is good and right. Less and less do I find myself stomping, kicking, snorting, and tearing a destructive path to freedom. I now find myself laying down that very freedom for something better, and am being given so much more than I could ever take.

**

I started writing this post while waiting for Cole to get out of school last week. It was at the tail end of a very intense couple of months, and I was highly anticipating the following Saturday morning when I could finally indulge myself in a rich, late, and lazy sleep. It is hard to describe how much I felt I had earned and deserved a day of rest.

My writing was interrupted when Cole jumped in the car. The first words from his mouth were that he had a detention on Saturday morning. I wasn’t mad at Cole – the detention was for tardies, which was partially my fault.  And I wasn’t mad at the school because I fully agreed with the consequence. But I was mad. Hopping mad. Mad that the freedom of my Saturday, my deserved and needed rest, was stolen from me. I could see the irony of the situation in light of what I had just been writing, but my fury was stoked and I could feel myself stomping, snorting, and starting to kick.

Then a very cool thing happened. The Spirit rose up in me and quieted my soul. In a matter of minutes, my anger was gone and I had fully embraced the idea of this detention. I was even grateful for it, knowing it would provoke change in a necessary area of our lives. I was able to walk Cole forward in what was right, and we made some changes to improve our routine.

Cole did his detention and had a great attitude. I got plenty of rest, and a good dose of joy.  It is possible – maybe even likely – that we will get another weekend detention, but it’s this sort of thing that is shaping us into the kind of people we want to be.

**

So I now come back to where this post started… finding joy in the narrow road of surrender that leads to every wide, open space.


Responses

  1. What a good reminder, although a hard one to take. I find that the Lord is leading me down that narrow path of living by faith. If I want to live faithfully, then He will constantly direct me. For me that means that when I take the reigns, He will let me follow that path, to anxiety, discomfort and depression. Then I am able to come back into alignment with a contrite spirit. Thank you, sweet Kara!

    • Well said!! So true that He lets us follow our way to its natural consequence – which never achieves the outcome we’re aiming for. What amazes me is how long I tend to spend debating the issue, instead of learning the lesson and moving on to green pastures!

  2. I Love the pix of the horse snorting!!
    I’m so impressed with your blog. Great insights!
    You go girl!!

    • I so completely relate to that photo… makes me laugh (and cringe) every time I look at it. Thank you for the encouragement Wendy!


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