where waves grow sweet

A job possibility arose a short while back. I was almost entirely uninterested until I had an engaging phone call with the owner and the revelation of a great salary. By the following morning, I had mentally paid off my son’s books and uniforms, my trip to Colorado this Christmas, and the haircut I really need. I’d even gotten so far as to imagine myself moving out of my parents’ home, where I’ve been loitering for several years.

I sent off my resume and reiterated my strengths, which I darn well knew were not the ones he was looking for. He called me on it, and asked if I possess the qualities required for the position. The truth is that I have none of them. I am actually the antithesis of those qualities. Thinking about them makes me agitated and slightly nauseous. I told him so – with slightly different wording – and let the job go.

I was sad and kind of depressed … left with discontentment over my current job, a frustration with the size of my paychecks, and a sense of restlessness that has often plagued me.  I headed straight to Craigslist to find another job, but sunk lower when I realized that I don’t really fit anywhere. By the end of the night, I was chest-deep in self-pity, totally immobile, and sick of myself.

This next morning, I thought on things I know to be true and prayed for some clarity. As the day wore on, I had a growing realization that I fit pretty well at the job I’m at. The organization helps the poor, which gives my job meaning. My boss is kind and generous. He recognizes my strengths, appreciates my spunk, and tolerates my moodiness. I am growing in areas I would not otherwise choose to grow in. And because my job is not overly demanding, I have emotional resources to spend on other things I enjoy… like pestering my teenage son or starting a blog.

Under all that emotional muck and self-pity, I found a gratitude and contentment. I saw things from a different angle, and it changed everything without changing anything. Being an assistant may not be my grand purpose in life, but I am finding life exactly where I am.