where waves grow sweet

Hello, friends! After a chock-full summer that lasted until the last possible moment, we made a hasty transition into a new school year. This was no small thing for Chase, who was making the leap from his sweet little elementary school to a massive middle school on an expansive campus with different teachers for each class. And it was no small thing for me since friends whose kids have attended this school have said to expect Chase to grow up fast because of what he’ll likely be exposed to there. Not exactly the kind of thing that sets a mom’s heart at ease.

This school was not Chase’s first choice (or mine). He had applied to a magnet school that’s significantly smaller with a business focus, which seemed like a great fit for him. To ease the transition to middle school, the school assigns sixth graders to one teacher instead of many, and students are given time at school to complete their homework so their afternoons are free. It doesn’t tend to draw the typical preteen, which is good because our kid isn’t one. And some of his best friends are going there, to boot. Nothing is perfect, of course, but it sure did feel like a gentle entry into the middle school world. Plus, it continues through high school so there wouldn’t be the anticipation of another big transition any time soon.

We had looked at a few different private schools as options in case he didn’t get chosen through the lottery to attend the magnet school. They were good, but just didn’t feel right. The big public school seemed like the only backup option that made sense when we added everything up. Even so, I felt incredibly resistant. It seemed like my quiet, quirky kid would get swallowed whole there. But the Lord kept telling me, “trust me.” I didn’t know if He was saying that because he was going to swoop in like a superhero and carry Chase over to the magnet school before he set foot on campus (my fingers were crossed for that version!), or if it was because He was going to give Chase everything he needed to do the hard thing he/we wouldn’t have chosen.

When the district did the lottery for the magnet school in the spring, Chase’s name didn’t come up. He was bummed but not completely crushed because last year a couple friends had gotten in the week before school started when, presumably, some accepted students changed their mind about attending. Chase figured he just had to bide his time. And so did I. So we pushed it to the back of our minds and had a great summer. But the weeks ticked away and then the days and then the hours, but the call never came.

Chase had to shift his expectations in a hurry. It was not easy. Nor was it easy for me when I dropped him off the first day, looking so small in a swarm of 900+ middle school kids. His text came an hour later: “I do not like it here.” The decision to send him there suddenly seemed questionable and God’s word to trust Him sounded so faint above my own fears. “Should we pull him out?” I asked John. I already knew the answer. We can certainly reassess as time goes on, we agreed, but nope. We need to wait it out and Chase needs to know he can do hard things. “Trust me,” I was reminded. 

Despite his daily misgivings, Chase was (and is) showing up and doing the hard things. That in itself is a victory and makes me so stinking proud. As I have been surrendering my own hopes, fears and expectations for him, a shift has happened in my thinking and in my conversations with Chase. If God allowed him to end up at this school, something He had control over, then it’s not just about holding his breath and grinding it out until he gets “rescued” by the other one, but in asking and seeking and finding the good that is meant for him here. Living with purpose here. Accepting this doesn’t mean he doesn’t have hope for change. It just means he is able to be present in this current place and season, harvest all the fruit that grows in these hard places and come to appreciate or, heck, even enjoy his time here. And if he ends up somewhere else then, by all means, he can be all-in and ask and seek and find the good there.

In the midst of this, Chase and I read through the story of Joseph in Genesis and one phrase hit me anew. As you probably know, things in that story don’t go exactly as planned. Joseph has a couple marvelous dreams where he is raised up above his brothers and even his parents. Pair this with being the favored son and we can imagine that his expectations of life are probably set pretty high. Then he is suddenly and brutally betrayed by his brothers and ends up as a slave. Talk about having to shift expectations in a hurry. But it says, “The Lord was with him.” There in Potiphar’s house, in the very place of his disappointment and suffering, the Lord is with him. So instead of playing the victim (for which no one would blame him), simply grinding it out until he is rescued or justifying anything less than excellence, he heeds the “trust Me” and leans in – all the way in.

After he has risen to the top of his role as slave, he is wrongfully accused and becomes not only a slave, but a prisoner. But it says again, “The Lord was with him.” There in the foul prison, in a far deeper place of disappointment and suffering than the first, the Lord is with him. So once again, he heeds the “trust Me” and plants his feet in the place he finds himself because the Lord is there and that is enough. It is not Joseph’s ability to control the outcome that brings about the dramatic change that occurs when Pharoah pulls him out of prison, shakes off his shame as slave and prisoner and sets him – with the highest honor – as second in command over Egypt; it is God’s. Heeding the “trust Me” of this masterful Creator is what sets him in just the right place (though decidedly not one he would have chosen) to grow into the fullness of his gifting and to fulfill his God-given dreams and purpose… which happened to include the saving of entire an entire nation and beyond. I’m guessing that was far bigger and more beautiful than anything he could even have imagined.

I know that many of you are going through much harder things than we are with our middle school drama, but I think the message is the same for each of us, just as it was for Joseph. No matter where we are (maybe the last place on earth we would have chosen for ourselves) and no matter how we got where we are, the Lord is with us. He is here… in our place of disappointment, pain, suffering, betrayal, broken-heartedness, loss, failed expectations, or maybe even shattered expectations. We can certainly hold our breath and wait for an escape, or we can choose to heed the “trust Me” as we ask and seek and find the good that He has for us in this place. We can let Him grow us and establish us and cause us to see in new ways and gain new victories, despite our daily (or hourly) misgivings. We may not be able to control the outcome, but we can trust in the God who does. Because He is able. Because He loves us relentlessly. And because His plans are way bigger and more beautiful than anything we could even imagine.